Parents
Ashley’s story
When I first met Ashley (name changed to protect confidentiality), she was huddled under the covers in the bedroom of a very cold trailer home – she was pregnant, poor, with very little support from her family. Her mother was one of the very few welfare clients in the county to be designated “unemployable” due to physical and mental health conditions. Ashley’s mom took her children out of high school so that they could help fix the leaking roof of their dilapidated trailer. Their welfare check was barely enough to sustain them and they had no funds to repair the leaking roof. Ashley was referred to my teen parent program and we began individual sessions, as well as support group. There was a family pattern of “not making it” and a culture of depending on welfare. She heard this message a lot throughout her life. However, with coaching support she learned new life and career skills; Ashley became the first person in her family to graduate high school. Buoyed by her high school success, she continued her vocational training and became a medical assistant. Within a year of completing her vocational training, she was working and purchased her own home – supporting her mother and younger brother. She became a beautiful example of resiliency and empowerment. She was off and running and no longer had time to attend the support group. A year later I heard from her – still working, daughter and new husband doing well – and she had begun a part time business as a financial planner and wanted to know if I had a retirement plan in place! |
The messages we give children (our own and others) have a significant impact on their lives. Coaching is a powerful tool as the underlying philosophy is that people are whole, creative and resourceful. When you truly believe that, even when a person “appears” headed down a self-destructive path to failure, you are holding the vision of their highest potential that can buoy them until they realize it themselves. You can learn these coaching tools to empower your youth to reach their highest potential.
As a parent or youth worker, you have an enormous responsibility – raising children in a world climate of aggression and hostility while even in your home there is a barrage of explicit sexuality and violence exploding through the media. While you are trying to protect your child you are also trying to make a living to support your family, pay the bills, care for the emotional, physical and spiritual needs of your family and do your part to make the world a better place! Why didn't someone tell you there were going to be days when you would feel:
- old before your time
- tired before 11 a.m. (or 10 or 9!)
- too upset to think straight.
Parenting today is more challenging than any other time in history – our children have been raised in a climate of intense and rapid change, overload of information, technological advances. They are aware of what is happening in the world even if we try to shelter them. They are not satisfied with pat answers and demand that we walk our talk. They’re smart, sensitive and have a sixth sense for BS. Kids are acting out, but not just to drive their parents crazy. They are confused by the inconsistencies and mixed messages of a culture bent on destruction, greed and political corruption. They’re rebelling but don’t know how to make things right and so act out of frustration. Do you remember feeling that way as a teen? Perhaps you also felt that everyone over the age of 30 messed up the world and you did not want to buy in to their rap.
Many children say their parents are bad listeners and they can't talk to them about their problems, according to a survey. The things they most want to discuss are bullying, other school problems and sex. Only 47% of the children questioned for a survey by BT and Childline said adults listened to what they said and acted on it. Adults were also questioned in the survey.
Most (83%) agreed it was important to listen to children, but only 57% of adults said this actually happened. “ For more information on this research, click here.
Yes, we need to listen to our children, even while they have an “in your face attitude”, adorn themselves with tattoos and a multitude of rings in various body parts. We need to listen to their souls, their quest to understand and be understood. In creating an environment of trust and empathy, you allow your children to explore their inner struggles as they try to make sense of their world. By listening you allow children and teens to connect to their inner wisdom as they problem solves the challenges in their lives. Deep listening connects you to your children with a compassionate bond that can help pull them through times of difficulty. Listening also heals our own hears as we learn to listen within. What will we hear?
We’re not alone in this enormous responsibility of raising physically, mentally and spiritually healthy and well functioning children. When you listen within, you will find guidance. Some people call this guidance intuition; some call it a higher power; some refer to that which partners with us as the Cosmic Parent; others call it the Higher Self. This is reassuring at times when you feel you are totally screwing up as a parent, or other times when your ego has the upper hand and you scream and demand your child obey. Yes, they may listen out of fear but they won’t develop their own inner wisdom and resiliency.
When children are listened to they begin to hear themselves and discover they too have a Source of inner wisdom. When we withhold advice and encourage our child to seek the answers with our listening support, they begin to feel more confident and more courageous to be themselves and express themselves. They begin to turn to their own inner compass – which is what will guide them when they are at school, in the neighborhood or hanging out with friends and you aren’t there to tell them what to do.
Coaching your child to discover their inner compass is the greatest gift you can give them. When they leave your home to go to college, travel or live on their own, you can feel confident that their inner wisdom will help them make healthy decisions, and guide them to a successful constructive life. They will contribute to the world from a place of compassion and caring. And you, as their parent, will know that you have made a lasting contribution to world peace.
Coaching can help you become a thriving parent, modeling qualities of strength, resilience, confidence and success for your child. The coaching program begins with you. We all have inherited emotional baggage from the way we were raised and from the culture we live in.
Learn about our Three Phase Parent Coaching Program on our SERVICES page.
To learn more about current research findings in adolescent development, click here.
© 2007
Source for Coaching
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